I am alive....BARELY!

I am writing in here just this one last time for any of you who are still checking this site. I am home now in San Diego!

I am so sorry I have not been on here to update you all. I just figured since I was home...that my Anneathawaii blog would not really make sense anymore. So, this will be my last entry in here.

I have been home almost 4 weeks....yikes.

I have been in TOTAL SURVIVAL MODE and VERY SICK.

I still have not unpacked, done laundry, or returned about 100 phone calls and emails.

I am in a legal battle with the doctor in Hawaii and I am STILL trying to get my lab results from her.

I spend most of my time in bed, in the bathroom or shopping and preparing my special foods.

I had a bunch more blood work done today and I see...yet another new ...doctor next week.

Please understand that I love you all and will try to return emails and phone calls as soon as I am able.

Massage clients...I am so sorry...I will contact you when I know more...

LOVE YOU ALL!

Anne

Coming Home!!!

My Dad and I will be coming home to San Diego on Wed. 4/25 late at night. I have decided to come home sooner than planned. I am not well, but feel it will be better for me to come home to finish treatment.

I am okay.

I am doing better than the last 3 days. Sorry to worry any of you. I was just too sick to write in here til now.

The blood only lasted for about 1.5 days...no more now. I have just been really weak with flu symptoms, but started to finally feel better after an enema this morning. It has been really up and down. I was up and about this afternoon much more....I even played some cribbage with my Dad outside.

Anxious to get test results back! Even though it is really gross...I really do hope I have 'parasite fuzz balls'...this is probably the most easy to fix!

Needing MORE Good Energy Sent My Way...

I am just sending out a request for prayers, good energy, blessings...I am really feeling awful physically and having a hard time. Headache, dizzy, nauseated, weak, tired, shakey, achey everywhere, bloated, cramping, abdominal pain, tingling. I had a bunch of blood come out today...new symptom....no doctor here....not sure what to do. I am so glad my Dad is at least here with me.

Lab Tests...Two Down, One to Go

My Dad arrived here safely last night and got to experience dinner with me and 3 other patients. We also got banana ice cream later! Yummy!! All you do is freeze some bananas and then put it through the Norwalk Juicer....like magic... ice cream comes out!!! Delicious! Two of the other patients just broke their green juice fast today...Allie went for like 13 days with nooooo food! So, they were really happy...to eat...they are only allowed fruit for the next two days.

This morning my Dad and I were taken to a local lab to get all my blood drawn. So, tomorrow, Tuesday, Lab Kit #2 will be mailed off. Two down and one more to go! I will do this one in a day or two, I need to rest up a bit for this one as the doctor said it may cause me to get temporarily sicker.

I also started back on all my supplements today. I had to go off them for much longer than planned because of the delay with the lab work. I am taking about 23 different types and some of them are taken 10 times per day. Hoy...it is going to take me a while to get back on track with these!

My Dad Arrives Today!

Well, my Dad arrives at about 430pm hawaii time today and then Dr. Baylac will be leaving tonight at about 8pm. There are still 3 other patients here right now, but they will all leave tomorrow. Then, for two weeks, it will be just my Dad and I here with some kitchen staff to make the special coffee for my enemas, 10 daily juices and 3 meals a day.

I fasted from juice yesterday and collected my urine specimens this morning. They are in the freezer now. Tomorrow morning I bring my urine to the local lab where I will get a bunch of blood drawn and then mail the whole kit off to the lab. Unfortunately this test takes about 14 days for them to collect all the data. But, my stool test is suppose to only take about 7 days.

Yellow Fuzz Balls...WARNING THIS ENTRY MAY BE TOO GRAPHIC

Oh my, oh my, oh my....I am so grossed out!!! Well, I think I may have figured out what one of the main contributing factors to all my health problems has been. Here is the story...

Friday night I was sitting around chatting with two of the other girl patients, Noelle & Allie. Some how the conversation got turned to BMs again...this is a frequent topic of discussion around here!!! Well, I had just finished two coffee enemas back to back and they always make me feel worse. I was telling them that I really want to have the doctor look at what is coming out as I have tried to share it several times with the doctor, but it is hard to figure out what it is. I have also swapped descriptions with the other girls to compare our horror stories. So, anyhow, last night I told the girls that I am STILL having all these small yellow balls coming out....I told them that I thought maybe it was undigested yellow raisins, but that I had stopped eatting those several days ago just to see if that was it...but tonight there was SOOOO MANY....it can't be raisins...I do not know what it is?

So, Allie says; "Why don't you draw it for the doctor?" And then I say; "I am not going to draw it!?" So, then she proceeds to go over and get me some paper and colored pencils and says: "Here I want to see what they look like?" We are all laughing by now and I proceed to try to draw them reluctantly. I say; "They kind of look like little yellow furry balls!" So, Allie then says; "let's google it!"

Next thing I know...Both Allie and Noelle have their lap tops out...one sitting on each side of me. Then, Allie says; "Here it is, I found it!" Then, I say; "Oh come on, girls, cut it out!" By now we are all laughing hysterically and I think they are pulling my leg....like yellow furry ball is really going to show up on the web as something that comes out of people's bodies. Well, then I lean over and look at Alie's screen and sure enough....there it is....in plain site...the words....

Yellow Fuzz Ball Parasite!........AHHHHHHHHHHH! I SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Super loud....I scream several times....This is really what they are called and are listed as one of the more common types of parasites.

For the next two hours I was tremoring! I am so grossed out! The night before I was up most the night in pain...now Friday night I was up most the night because I could not get these images out of my head!!!

Today, Saturday, I met with the doctor and she had never heard of these types of parasites, but asked me to capture some in a jar when I did my next enema. OK...THIS IS JUST SO DISGUSTING....but I did as asked and later she looked at them. She seems to think they are not parasites, but does not really know what they are??? We even had one on a kleenex and she was disectting it...I saw several small things that looked like worms to me, but she did not think they are worms. So, I asked her what she thinks they are and she said that she does not know, lets just wait til the stool test results get back. But, I have to go to a local lab on Monday morning to get a bunch of blood drawn for another test, and the doctor will be gone to France by then, so I might try to bring some there to get tested.

Oh, and by the way, on these web sites I learned that 85% of Americans have parasites. Apparently they can cause cancer, pancreatitis, digestive problems, depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, headaches, etc.! I am sure this is WAY MORE INFO than any of you wanted to here!!!

Catching Up...

I have not written in here for several days....a lot has been going on and I did not have the energy. So here is an update:

LATER ON WEDNESDAY-
The lab test kits arrived! At night I went out with the group to the Annual Merrie Monarch Festival Opening Ceremony. It is a 5 day hula contest where people come from all over the world. Hawaii's biggest event of the year. Became very sick with flu like symptoms during the event and had another bad pain (pancreatic attack?) on the way home.

THURSDAY-
Sent off stool sample for one of the lab tests. Very rough day. Still not feeling well physically and feeling very frustrated with the way the business is run here...do not want to post all the details...as I have been trying to keep this blog focused on the positive...but there have been ongoing problems since I got here with the way things are handled...or basically not handled. I was very close to calling my Dad and having him not come anymore and just coming home on this day, but I decided I could not turn back or give up now...my Dad is coming and I need to get the rest of these lab tests sent in.

FRIDAY-
'Bearded John' called in the morning. It made my day. I also received a cash donation in the mail from some lady I do not know who is a business client of my friend Linda. Please tell her thank you, Linda...I will send a card when able. I feel literally carried and blessed by all my angels in San Diego...I love you all. I put the cash toward a massage today...I really needed one...I am still feeling very sick and discouraged. Giappina is the massage therapist...she has helped me the very most while I have been here by helping to flush out all the toxins and make my body feel good even if temporarily.

Still Waiting on Lab Kits to Arrive

I am still waiting on the lab kits to get here. They were suppose to arrive yesterday. I started fasting on Monday night, but they never arrived. So, she put me back on food and juices, but still no supplements or enemas. So, hopefully the kit will come today! I feel very confident that we will get to the bottom of things better as these labs are very comprehensive and cutting edge.

I am still having a lot of digestive problems and other strange symptoms just on the special foods and juices.....so I am looking forward to getting these lab tests back! There are several I am taking, but the most comprehensive one is suppose to take about 14 days from when they receive it to get the results.....uggggh!. I won't mention the financial end of things cause it is not pretty. But, compared to the regular hospital it is still much cheaper and much nicer.

Today is the start of the biggest event of the year here on the Big Island. A big hula festival where people come from all over for a hula competition. So, I guess they are going to take us patients over there later today for the big opening ceremony. More on this later....

Naked Hippie Beach and Kava Kava Bar

An Easter I will NEVER forget!!!!!!! I was able to go on the outing yesterday....now I really feel like I am in Hawaii. We left at about 2pm and our first stop was a local beach called Kehana .....oh my gosh...it was great...I took a bunch of photos...and hope to get them developed and posted on here somehow. There are no words to really capture the experience...but lets just say EVERYTHING GOES...lots of naked people, others with swimsuites and others with clothes....drums and dancing....various instruments...dogs....NO WORRIES...cookies passed....no I did not eat them....weed smoking...no I did not smoke any...everyone happy and getting along...it was a big party...mostly hippies! At first I was not sure if taking photos was appropriate, but all seemed fine with it...I just had to catch the essence of it all ...the culture...the dancing and drumming...was so amazing. We went swimming in the ocean amongst the waves and hippies. The Gerson Therapy says NO SALT whatsoever, but she let us go in. I actually felt the best I have felt since being here after two back to back coffee enemas this morning, but once I was in the ocean for a little while I started to feel sick again and have pain...but it was so worth it!

Our second destination was a hike over a bunch of lava rock to a beautiful and peaceful black sand beach. I love Hawaii, it is so beautiful here. Tons of lush greenery!!!! We then went to this place called the Kava Kava bar. It is just a little hut on the side of the road that looks like a bar with stools and they serve Kava root as a beverage...it looks like mud and tastes like mud...but is suppose to relax you...I did not notice it relaxing me at all..as I was running on two coffee enemas, but it does make your tongue and throat numb.

My Dad will be here in one week and the doctor will be off to France. I am on day three today of NO supplements, it has been a nice break. I will get only half of my juices today and tomorrow I will do my lab tests and then get back on all my supplements and back to giving myself a shot in the butt every morning. Whoo hoo!

Happy Jelly Beans!

Well, I was hoping to make some homemade stamped Easter cards to send out, but my stamp art box has still not come..whine and pout....so consider this your Easter wishes from Hawaii. Happy Easter! I hope you eat lots of chocolate and jelly beans for me! :0)

Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from the Easter Bunny...

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There's no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Some body parts should be floppy.
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.
Good things come in small-sugarcoated packages.
The grass is greener in someone else's basket.
An Easter bonnet can cover the wildest hare.
To show your true colors, you have to come out of your shell.
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

Nutritional Medicine 101

The sun has been out much more these last few days...so trying to catch some rays each day....it is so nice....I just hope I can get out on some more excursions soon to actually see some more of Hawaii's beauty...It is hard to be in Hawaii and not be able to see waterfalls, beaches, etc....they say we are going on an excursion tomorrow...sunday...I hope I will feel up to it!

Ok...so today I will leave you with a 101 class lesson. Nutritional Medicine uses sophisticated labratory testing to examine biochemical imbalances in the body. More simply said....samples of urine, blood, saliva, stool and/or hair are taken to determine your levels of vitamins, minerals, amino acids, fatty acids and toxin levels. Doctors that use Nutritional Medicine use the test results to design a diet and supplementation, which will regenerate balance into the body. In traditional medicine doctors are trained to diagnose and then use various drugs that can help with a particular symptom. This approach usually does not address the cause of the problem but only improves the symptoms. Nutritional Medicine is not to be confused with Herbal Medicine either. Herbal Medicines are used as alternative therapy that can produce pharmaceutical effects similar to drugs. They are NOT natural to the body. Nutritional medicine consists only of foods, vitamins, minerals, amino acids and fatty acids which are part of the body so consequently are very low in toxity compared to herbs.

The lab work I am getting done will help determine the root casue of all my symptoms...whether it is heavy metal toxicity (which the doctor is suspecting), malabsorption of nutrients or simply a deficiency in some vitamin or mineral. One of my very, very first blog entries talks about this....ALL degenerative diseases.....are caused by two things and ONLY two things: Toxins or Nutritional Deficiency. So, my goal is to try to find out what the underlining cause is! All of these findings will only enhance the Gerson Therapy I am already doing. Gerson Therapy is a definite form of Nutritional Medicine, but once I have these detailed labs we can adjust detox methods and supplements accordingly.

So can someone tell me what the heck am I paying a doctor for again? Ok well she did tell me about the website metametrix.com. It is all about your doctor being your 'health partner' as you must learn to be your own well educated health advocate.

The Norwalk Juicer and MORE Labwork Research

Well compared to yesterday, I feel better today physically. I also had enough energy this morning to learn how to use the Norwalk Juicer...it only costs $2300!....yikes! But, it is obviously the best of the very best of juicers....way higher vitamin and mineral content in each glass....not to mention the quantity of juice increase per piece of produce. But, my very favorite feature is that you can make smoothies, sherbert, ice cream, almond butter, applesauce, etc with it as well...pretty cool! So, if I have to continue this treatment for a minimum of two years to heal...I guess I will have to charge $50/head at my next big party...hahahaha!

The second part of my day was spent on more research. Dr. Baylac and I have decided to get my lab work done from a different lab company. So, I spent the afternoon researching metametrix.com. as well as various books and newsletters. The must read books I must now get: 8 Weeks to Vibrant Health, Detoxify or Die, The High Blood Pressure Hoax, The ION Handbook, Wellness Against All Odds, Pain Free in 6 Weeks, You Are What You Ate, The Cure is in the Kitchen and Macro Mellow. I am a walking wealth of information now. I guess that is the way it is these days...your doctor is only a 'health partner' and you have to drive the boat! Thank God I had the strength today to be able to do so.

I am happy about the lab work I am going to get done. I am getting a very comprehensive blood and urine test called the ION Profile. ION stands for Individual Optimal Nutrition. This test measures over 100 components including amino acids, organic acids, fatty acids, vitamins, minerals, toxic metals, and hormones, as well as, markers of detoxification function, oxidant stress, etc. I will also be taking a stool test for even a more comprehensive look at my gastrointestinal issues.

I Got Mail!

Other patients are jealous cause they say I get more mail! :0)

I received a package in the mail from my dear family friend Linda, I consider her like a sister. She comes to my parties often with my Dad...she has an amazing warmth, glow and smile about her. The package came with a very nice card that says Everyday of treatment and recovery deserves a trophy...I have no idea where she found such a card....but pretty perfect. Anyhow, it came with a typed personal letter and one of those Willow Tree Angels I love...this one is for Good Health and she is holding a bunch of apples! One of my massage clients gave me one before i left as well for friendship...and my good friend Barabara gave me one that is for happiness...so i guess i collect these now...just what I need another collection! :0) Anyhow, so my new 'good health angel' sits right by my bed on a small table. It came on a good day because i had a pretty rough day today!!! Tomorrow is now guarenteed to be better!!!

I have also been receiving so much other love and support through cards, emails, phone calls, etc. The prayers, love and good wishes I am receiving has really made a world of difference....especially on the days as of late when i have been feeling worse physically. I got a homemade easter card from my sister, photos and artwork and long personal note from Carolyn and my God children, and cards from other friends Anne, Marilyn and Marie. My friend Yvette phone called at a time when I could not talk long, but I was having a melt down and it was so comforting to hear her voice! Sami, one of my therapists from San Diego, also called at a saving grace time. I have received emails and phone calls from many others who I have not been able to respond back to....but believe me...their messages have made my day...thank you Sheila, Steve-O, John, Mimi, Tim, Aunt Mary, Aunt Kay, Uncle John, Ana, Bob, Garry, Jeff, Diana, Lori, Leslie, Steve, .....I am sure I am missing some... ALL I CAN SAY IS THANK YOU...if you only knew how much you are all carrying me through...I am so very blessed..

Caffeine Buzz and Lab Tests...

I had another really rough morning...could barely walk, dizzy, weak, etc. Emotionally I was a wreck...trying very hard to stay positive, but just feeling pretty warn out. But, this afternoon I had another turn around...thank goodness. I decided to go back to a coffee enema instead as this would have been my third day of chamomile....but I seemed so very weak I figured maybe the coffee would amp me up. So, I did a coffee enema followed right after by a chamomile one right away and it seemed I now have much more strength. Perhaps some more toxins came out or I just have a serious CAFFEINE BUZZ going on...I will take either one!

Some of the lab kits arrived today that the doctor was waiting on...but the main one was a food allergy test kit which I guess I can not do right now because you need to be eatting a wide range of all the foods for 3 full weeks first...and since I am on such a restricted diet right now, we would not get an accurate reading.

So, I spent the afternoon on the internet doing research to determine which tests to do...so I could order some other ones. I think I am going to be doing urine test for heavy metals, stool test for various digestive functions, disorders or parasite possiblities and then saliva test to check my adrenocortex stress profile. So, now I have to wait for these to come in the mail....and inorder to do these tests I have to go off all supplements for three days and then take 24 hours to do all the test samples....I look forward to the break from all the supplements...but I hope this does not interfere too much with the healing process. It is so hard to know which path to choose...so I am just trying to ride the waves.

Dad's coming to Hawaii

Well, it looks like I am going to be here longer. Long story short...,my doctor surprised me with the fact that she is leaving to go to France for 2 weeks and was going to close down the clinic. However, the whole point of me buying a one way ticket was so that I could stay as long as I needed until I got better! So, since I am not well enough to go home yet, she is now going to allow me to stay here while she is gone to continue treatment if I am able to have someone come and stay with me 24/7. So, my Dad has very graciously volunteered to come out and stay with me 24/7 while she is gone from 4/15 to 5/2. She is going to keep a kitchen staff person on to do the 10 juices a day and 3 meals, but I will have no doctor supervision. Hopefully, by the time she leaves I will be more stable!!!!!!!

Grateful for John and the sunshine!

The sun was out almost all day today...this is a big deal...first time since I have been here. I tried to seize the moment and spend as much time as I could outside. I am still not feeling too hot...I have had a few rough days...so have not had too much to write in here. I passed out in the bathroom this morning...I have not passed out since last July the night before my hospital stay. I just seem to be having a bunch of flu like symptoms....dizzy, nausea, cramping, etc. This is supposedly the toxins flushing into the blood system and making me sicker....the storm before the sunshine....the doctor calls it a healing crisis and it is suppose to be a good thing...the immune system is kicking in and killing off whatever is bad inside of me.

I have been very, very tired and weak so I have not had much energy to do much. I have just been reading a lot and typing in here and writing when I am able. I keep hoping I will have more energy to learn how to work the $2000 juicer, grind the oatmeal, boil the coffee and make the special soup, but still not up to that speed yet. I did learn how to give myself my own shot of liver extract and B12 in my butt everyday. Whoo hoo! I know the excitement is killing you all!

Speaking of excitement. I am grateful that my San Diego house did not burn down, as apparently there was a pretty serious electrical problem in my kitchen stove. I called 'bearded John' and he came to the rescue for me...Thanks John and Dad for your help!

Would you like to come to Hawaii??!!!

PLEASE NOTE: If anyone wants to come visit...you are welcome to come anytime. You can stay here as a companion for $150/day which includes lodging and 3 meals a day. I would love to have you come! lots of hugs!

Up and down

Well, I did not do an entry at all yesterday...I have been having a rough time for almost 48 hours now. I am hoping this is a good sign that I am having what they call a 'healing crisis' which is a normal part of the Gerson Program as the body is detoxing. But, it is really hard to stay positive and believe that this program is really working when I do not feel better...infact worse. One day at a time...this too shall pass! I will write again soon when I feel up to it. Please do know that I have appreciated the phone calls and regular mail even though I have not been reciprocating too well.

My best morning yet!

I had a really good morning....probably the best I have felt since I got here! I was able to go to the farmer's market with the group at 6am. I became very weak, very easily.... but I came home and had breakfast and felt better again. The sun was out for a longer while this morning...so I layed out in my bikini while drinking my juices every half hour. Then, I actually went for a very short run....yep...believe it or not...I ran. But, then I had to do my first enema of the day and unfortunately I have been sick since then. A group went to the warm pond to swim this afternoon, but I chose to stay here and rest. I am back in bed...but it was a really great morning! Considering I have only been here one week, I feel I am doing pretty well.

One Week in the LUSH GREEN Tropics...

Not much new to report. Dr. Baylac added 3 more supplements this morning. Oh Joy! She spends 30-60 minutes with me each morning...and yesterday she came back and checked on me several times. I had a rough day yesterday, but hanging tough! Please send some sunshine my way...it is still raining! The foliage is so beautiful, however, from all the rain...i love looking outside my windows at all the GREEN! I can not believe I have been here one week now. Love and miss you all. xoxoxoxo

Back to Coffee Enemas

Well, the sun did not last long yesterday...but it was nice while it lasted. I have been sleeping better and feeling a bit better minus the pain in my abdomen. My weight is now stablilzing as I lost 7 pounds in the first three days I was here. But, this morning I go back to coffee enemas so we will see how that goes. I must cut this log short as I need to do the enema and then be ready for a bell at 11am for more juices. I have received some phone calls and have not had enough time to call back...but hope to find some time soon. love and miss you! Aloha!

It is SUNNY OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!!

I can not believe it is sunny outside. I am sitting outside right now using the retreat center's portable iBook laptop computer for patients. I have 20 minutes before the bell is going to ring again for juice and supplements. Then, after that I have to do my next chamomille enema. You should see my closet is full of bottles and bottles of supplements. When the bell rings I get certain supplements out of their bottle and put them in a little dish I keep by my bed. I then go out to the kitchen to pick up my juice and put the supplements that are kept in a refrigerator to take with the juice as well. They have 3-4 refrigerators full of fresh produce!!! I really wish you could all come on a field trip to check out this whole operation...it is pretty amazing.

Bell is ringing....

more later...

I Can Eat Bananas!

Well, I guess I am not alergic to bananas anymore. The last banana I had was in 1987! Dr. Baylac let me try some and I was fine...at least with what they call 'finger bananas' in Hawaii. They are really small, very cute and sooooooo GOOD! I had some for breakfast today.

I also got to go on my first little excursion away from the house today. Margo took me to what they call 'the pond' and the water is like bath water! I got to swim some and little fish nibble on your legs. It was a very short trip only like 45 minutes at the actual pond, but it was so nice to get out and see the water finally...as the pond is right by the ocean.

Overall today was definitely a better day! On and off pain and my stomach is huge...sometimes nausea and dizzy, but I am AMAZINGLY HAPPY!! (I think Dr. Baylac gave me some 'happy' pills!)

Whoo hoo! I am WIRED!

I am super duper WIRED! I was up most of the night, I guess the caffeine in the coffee enemas are making me super hyper. So, Dr. Baylac switched me this morning to Chamomile Enemas temporarily. The hope is to get me more stabilized, rested and comfortable and then gradually ease back into a more aggressive detox approach. We hope to get me back on coffee enemas since they have the substance needed to appropriately open up the bile ducts of the liver to release toxins.

I got a package this morning...Whoo hoo! My friend Diana sent me a box with some more warm clothes as it has been pretty cold and rainy here. She also sent me 'Sneakers' my little suffed puppy...when Margo brought the package to me you should have seen the enthusiasm...I was soooo HAPPY!

18 types of supplements, 10 juices, 3 meals, 2 enemas and thank God for some mail!

The rest of yesterday was pretty rough physically and emotionally, but I was able to get a better night of sleep.

Today was quite a day as well. I have been converted over to completely Gerson Therapy now. Taking 18 TYPES of supplements a day now...some of them up to 10 TIMES a day! One of them is an actual shot I have to give myself once a day in the butt. Then, there are 10 glasses of fresh squeezed green, carrot and apple juicies plus coffee enemas 2-5 times a day. I think the enemas are making me the sickest as I seem to get extremely shaky, nausea, bloated and dizzy right afterwards....I almost passed out one time today. I do not feel too hot from all the supplements either. I started eatting three full Gerson meals a day, too...but have to eat very, very slow and not very hungry with all the juices and pills. Basically every half hour there is some pills to take, a juice to drink, a meal to eat, an enema to do. It is non stop...from 7am to 830pm....so much for resting. I am sure in time I will get used to the schedule and hopefully my body will adjust to all of the medicines.

On a more positive note. I got phone calls from my roomie Steve and girlfriend Yvette yesterday and snail mail from my Dad and Aunt Kay today! These are the type of things that are getting me through.

Get to EAT today!

I had a pretty good afternoon yesterday. The sun came out on and off for about two hours and I seemed to be feeling better so I went for a long walk around the neighborhood. It felt good to get outside for the first time since I got here. I picked some beautiful flowers and plants and brought them back to my room. But, when I got back I was exhausted and had to take a nap. I am not used to being this weak being that I usually work out everyday at the gym. Anyhow, so I slept for about two hours and unfortunately woke up with the shakes, nausea, headache, etc. again. So, the doctor decided to start me on a vary small amout of smoothy....food...I get food...whoo hooo. But, it was like a teaser of an amount but seemed to be what my system could handle so far. This morning I got to have 1.5 strawberry papayas for breakfast. They were so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The doctor just came in my room while I was typing this message. She says I get to have lunch with everyone for the first time...but I will get only raw food. She is going to slowly ease me into the Gerson diet maybe by tomorrow. She seems to think that my body is highly toxified hence why I had such a hard time with the water fast so we will need to detox me the slower way on the gerson diet. There are people here that are going on 7-15 days of water only and are feeling great, but since this was not my case she felt it would be better to take the slower more gentler approach of detoxing on my system. The good news is I get to eat again...whoo hoo. The bad news is it is going to cost me $395 a day instead of $150/day. I knew the price was going to increase, but was planning on it not going up until next Friday.

Body in Hell & Surrounded by Angels

What a day yesterday was. Sorry, but this is going to be another long entry...I need to share and I really appreciate you listening!

After my last entry in here, I proceeded to get SICKER AND SICKER. I had one of my muscle attacks where I could barely walk, super dizzy, tunnel vision in and out, involuntary shaking, pain in abdomen up to an 8 and nauseated. BUT, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO MY ANGELS:

MARGO, my first angel. Margo is a patient who is doing a work study program here which I hope to do so I can get free room and board when I get well enough if I need to stay longer for more treatment. She came in the morning to take my vitals and later in the day she came to pick me up for a road trip to 'the pond', but I was too ill to go. So, instead she went and spoke with the doctor and Dr. Baylac came downstairs to check on me. Therefore, instead of getting to get out and enjoy the beauty of nature, she got stuck here spending the next two hours taking care of me. A true angel from above!

DR. BAYLAC, angel # 2. By the time the day was over, I had seen the doctor 3 times for a total of about 1.5 hours of her day. Believe me, compared to the 5 minutes with my western doctor when I was in the hospital this was very comforting to have her here when needed. There were days when I was in the hospital when the nurse would have to call my doctor to get her to come to visit because I guess she had forgotten after never arriving all day. Dr. Baylac on the other hand really is full of strength and wisdom yet compassion and light. Angels are surrounding me everywhere! I am so blessed.

Anyhow, so they decided to give me my first coffee enema to help with the pain. MARGO, went beyond the call of duty and went inside the bathroom with me and walked me through the whole procedure step by step...naked butt and all! I will spare you the details! Anyhow, then she proceeded to give me a castor oil treatment by placing oil and a heat pad on my abdomen. My shaking got worse due to the coffee, but the pain, dizziness and nausea started to slowly diminish temporarily which was a relief. I had about 1 hour of more comfort. But, then it was time for my massage...what I hoped to be a relaxing treat, but did not turn out to be so.

Ciappnino, massage therapist, angel number 3! Well, 15 minutes in to the myo-fascia release massage I began to have this very strange tingling that started in the roof of the mouth and proceeded to spread to the nose, face, hands and feet. Kind of the feeling when a body part falls asleep and then starts to come back. I was having painful cramping and tingling and just tried to breathe through it. However, it proceded to get worse and worse to the point that my arms and legs were having involuntary convulsions and my muscles started to curl up to the point where I had NO control over them. My hands were curled up and I could not use my fingers...at this point I WAS SO SCARED! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG? But, Ciappnino, was there holding me and comforting me. It was another 40 minutes or so where this continued and she tried various methods to help get my muscles to release. She ended up having to literally carry me back to my room as I would walk as if I had MS and involuntary twitching and convulsions. She then proceeded to call the doctor again and I just layed in my bed to rest.

MARGIE, angel #4! Margie is another patient who lives in the room across from me. My door was open so she asked how I was doing and I proceeded to tell her not so good that I was really scared. She then proceeded to come and sit by my side and we had a nice long talk to swap life and health stories. Another gem with a huge heart.

About an hour later, it is now 10pm, Dr. Baylac and Margo came back and checked on me and tucked me in bed for the night as I seemed to be a bit better. It is a big mystery as none of them know exactly what is happening, but are confident that I am on the right path as my body is fighting to heal itself. They assured me that they would be right upstairs if I needed anything...but then jokingly said...but please dont wake us! I unfortunately could not sleep as the pain was too intense, but I was so glad to just have control again over my muscles and be able to use my hands. I layed in bed and watched some Friends episodes with my portable DVD player and I eventually fell asleep for a little while but ended up and down most the night with pain.

Despite the pain and fear....I feel so blessed to be here surrounded by so many angels! More later...love you all...thanks for being out there in cyber space it helps so much...

Aloha! I am finally in paradise!

I made it here safely! I arrived yesterday at about 330pm Hawaii time which is 630pm San Diego time. Dr. Baylac herself picked me up at the airport! I arrived feeling right at home as she does not allow shoes in the house...true Hawaiian tradition! :0) The house is surrounded by lush tropical greenery and my room is small but very nice as she specifically gave me a back, quiet room so I could rest. I also have two large windows since it is in the corner of the house so I can look out and see amazing tropical foliage that blows in the wind and hear birds and roosters. However, it has not been sunny at all since I have been here, so I do hope this changes.

I met with Dr. Baylac last night at about 6pm for my intake and we went over all my medical things and got to know one another. I like her a lot and feel that I have FINALLY found a place that will be able to help me get well. I am currently on day two of water only and I am NOT FEELING WELL AT ALL physically. I have a severe headache, abdominal pain is worse than usual, I am very weak and have trouble just typing or raising my arms above my head, my tongue is gross, abdominal cramping and I feel dizzy. Having said all this....

I REALLY LIKE THIS PLACE AND FEEL SO VERY BLESSED TO GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE THIS EXPERIENCE. I am very optimistic that I will be able to get the care I need here. I am exactly where I am suppose to be and strongly believe I have been led here for a multitude of reasons for my own healing and hopefully the opportunity to 'pay it forward' by helping others heal in the future by my own personal experiences and new found knowledge.

The doctor came already this morning to visit me again. She will come to my bedroom once a day to check on my progress. Every morning when I first wake I have to take my temperature and weigh myself and then someone comes and takes my blood pressure and my pulse. You have no idea how happy I am.....unlike the hospital I get to sleep as much as I want and wake whenever I want in the morning. I get as much solitude as I want in my own private room or I can go out to the common area to visit with other patients. I have not done much of this yet as I am enjoying my down time just unpacking, resting and doing thank you cards.

That brings me to another subject. I would like to once again thank everyone who has been so very supportive. Marilyn brought me to the airport yesterday morning and gave me a list of people who she received some money from to help with all my expenses here. I do not know of any of the amounts as she told me she is going to deposit a surprise amount into my checking account as I did not want to bring a lot of cash with me. As much as I am having a hard time with receiving all this financial support, I also know that others like and want to help. I would want to do the same if I had a friend in need. But, I do not think others really realize the magnitude of how this is helping me in SOOOOOO many ways. Not only is it allowing me to be able to finally just relax and know that I will be able to pay for whatever lab tests or extra days of treatment I will need to get well, but it is showing me how very much I am loved, how the universe always provides if we just commit to doing what we need to do to take care of ourselves and how very rich and blessed my life is!!!!!!! THANKS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! I would be so destitute without my loved ones...you are my light and warmth on cloudy days!

Juice ONLY today!

I met with my roommate last night to go over all the house responsibilities and my good friend Steve-O stopped by to say hi. I was up most the night hanging out in my second home (bathroom) and I am very exhausted today. I am only allowed fresh fruits and vegetables through a juicer today....and I am SOOOO HUNGRY! I just can't wait to get there so that I can rest and hopefully have a doctor monitor all my strange symptoms and help me through. I STILL have a bunch to do before I go and do not have the energy!

I got some surprises in the mail today. A BIG THANK YOU...to some mystery person who dropped an envelope with cash in it through my mail slot today and there was a nice canvas bag with some magazines, eye rest mask, and neck rest pillow on my door step. I also received a check from my friends JEANNIE HINE and KATY GRYBOSKI. I am so overwhelmed by all of this love and support. It is still very awkward, but I just keep telling myself to accept graciously.

How is it that the list of things to do before I go keeps growing? I cross two things off and add 5 more things I forgot I still need to do....not to mention the juicing that takes so much time and living in the bathroom. I will be leaving for the airport in like 33 hours....yikes...How am I going to get ready in time?

I am switching over my Blog tonight....so be sure to check out the new look for my Hawaii Update Blog....Aloha...

Last Day of Raw Fruits and Vegetables

I am back in San Diego now. I leave in 3 days! Yikes. Today is my last day to EAT any food. Tomorrow I start the juice only part of the water fast prep diet. Fortunately, I already have a juicer; so I will be juicing all the fruits and vegetables I have left to eat. I am definitely not feeling so hot, I can tell you that, as I guess my body is starting to detox and I feel loopy. I feel like all my chemicals are out of balance in my body and brain. I am having trouble focusing and yet I have soooooo many things I need to do to get ready to go.

A BIG THANK YOU to my one and only GREAT relative....and she is the GREATEST of Great...AUNT MARY. I have not seen her in like 28 years....anyhow...she gave me a check this morning to help with my medical costs so that I can stay longer in Hawaii at the retreat center if I need to.

I am in Palm Springs

I spent the day today with my Aunt Kay and Uncle John. I have not seen them in like 13 years or so? It was sooooooooooooooooo good to see them...I have missed them so much. We went out to eat breakfast and dinner and I am on my raw food only diet...and it has not been easy around all this good food in the restaurants. Still trying to get a hold of my doctor...they told me to call back at 930pm our time which is 630pm Hawaii time. I have been feeling ok but not great today, but seeing my aunt and uncle made everything better.

I still have a bunch to do when I get back home to get ready to go, but I would not have missed this for the world.

Full, Busy Day Today!

Day one of raw food only and I am exhausted, but it was a pretty good day for me. I spent all day with my sister at a rubberstamp convention at the del mar fair and then drove the rest of the way up to Carlsbad to my Dad's place. Then, my Dad and I left to drive over here to Palm Springs to see my Great Aunt Mary! We arrived here at about 30pm. I have not seen her since I was about 13 years old...and the time before that I was like 5! She is 81 years old and such an amazing spirit and has more energy than I do! Really fun to be around. She actually lives in Wyoming where my Dad is from, but comes here to stay for like 6 weeks each year. Tomorrow I get to see my Aunt (Dad's sister) and my Uncle (her husband). I am so excited to see them it has been WAY too long.

3am...still up packing....

I am not feeling well physically as I have been in a lot of pain in my abdomen and other strange symptoms. I am so exhausted, I am not really sure how I am still going...I guess adrenaline. I need to just rest, but I still have 5 days now of hundred things to do. I just spent about 6 hours shopping, cleaning, cutting up and preping fruits and vegetables for the next 3 days worth of meals as I leave in about 4 hours and will not get back until monday night at the earliest. So, since I will be gone all weekend with family and they will most likely be eating out a lot I had to pack all my own food for 3 days. Starting today, Saturday, I am on RAW food only. This is a lot of work....just to eat. So, I have not even started packing my clothes, etc. Still have not gotten my taxes started. I am going to go to bed now for 2 hours and then get back up at 5am to pack, shower, etc as I just do not have the strength right now.

A week from today I will be in Hawaii!

Well, I just made it through day two of vegetables and fruit only....and I am already starving! I am not sure how I am ever going to make it at this point when exactly a week from today I will be JUST starting the water ONLY fast! arrrgggghhh! I also can not believe that a week from now I will be sleeping in a strange bed in a strange house....in the middle of the tropics....that part I am excited about...I LOVE the TROPICS! Lush greenery, waterfalls, rainbows, fresh warm air...if anything will heal me, that will!

A BIG thank you goes out for more generous donations. Just yesterday and today I have received more support from Pat Kreder, Patrick K., Leslie, Johh S. (bearded John), Linda M. and Bob! WOW...this is really overwhelming...but since my pay it forward revelation I am accepting graciously, knowing now I can hopefully not worry so much about the large clinic bill and just focus on getting better. Knowing that down the line I can turn around and pay it forward!

Ok off to bed...tomorrow is a very big day....only 29,000 things to do...more later....

First Day on Water Fast Prep Diet

Today I start the water fast preparation diet. Three days of ONLY fruits and vegetables (raw or cooked), then three days of fruits and vegetables (raw only), then two days of fruits and vegetables (juiced only) and then finally the day I travel (a week from tomorrow) I will be on water only. The water only fast will continue for what Dr. Baylac says a minimum of 10 days depending on how my body responds. This is to try to allow my bowels to rest and heal since they are so overactive before we start the Gerson Therapy Program.

Pay It Forward

Ok. I think I have a better handle on this RECEIVING thing for now. I had a revelation after speaking to my therapist and sleeping on it last night and then meditating this morning. Here is the deal. I am a giver and a healer by nature. As a child I was always trying to help others and create peace and as an adult I have always been in the healing professional; first working with teenagers for 10 years and then doing energy healing and massage therapy for the last 7 years. Through the years, I have also always worked very hard on healing myself and becoming a better person, but not usually ever above helping others first. However, recently my health has forced me to do so.

So, here is my big revelation. I feel I have been put on this earth to help and guide others on their spiritual journey. But, in order to obtain even more compassion and understanding for others, I must experience these trials myself. One of my very favorite movies is called Pay It Forward..although the ending is a bit disturbing...the movie's message is huge! So, if I graciously and humbly receive ALL the love and support I am receiving in this time of need in no matter what form it comes; I will have even MORE to give back when I am able. Basically, I can Pay It Forward! This is how the universe is set up and works. Karma as they say. Not only will I have the experience and awareness of all these trials I have been through, but my cup/pitcher will be filled back up and over flowing with love ready to be poured back out. Therefore, from this day forward, I am going to receive this help with the knowing that I can give it back ten fold to others in need when I get well enough to do so. And all my friends can have the knowing that they took part in helping to pay it forward! Watch the movie if you have not, it is powerful...two of my favorite actors Helen Hunt and Kevin Spacey are in it.

Let's talk about R E C E I V I N G...

Ok, can I just talk a little bit about this thing called receiving again. This whole thing has been VERY uncomfortable for me. I have always struggled with receiving, but have definitely gotten better with that through the years. However, receiving money from others I have never done and it is very, very hard and humbling. My therapist and sponsor assure me that this is part of my healing process ...to soak in the gifts as healing, loving energy. I guess because I feel like crawling out of my own skin I am probably making a positive change and doing something good for myself.

I think my biggest struggle is a big part of me does not feel worthy or deserving. Not because I am not a good person....but that there are so many others out there that may need it more than me....it is not as if I am homeless....or in a critical care unit...or have no food in my cupboards...so it is hard to be able to accept so many offerings.

Today I received an email from a friend of mine, Tim, who told me he has sent a check in the mail to my sponsor Marilyn to contribute....and once again I am filled with these feelings of complete uncomfortableness. Don't get me wrong...I feel so very blessed to have such amazing friends in my life....it is just that they all give me so much already just by being there as my friend. I obviously need to bring this up to my therapist again today when I see her.

Visitors and Packing...

Today I have just been doing 10 things at once trying to get ready. But, I also had 3 visitors. My friend Amy came over to pick up her Stampin' Up! order and to visit. Then, my massage client Diane, came by to show me her 23 pages or so of scrapbooking she just finished of her adorable new grandson to inspire me on my projects. Then, my long time friend John (known as "military john" since I have other friends named John) came by to visit. We were suppose to go to dinner, but I was not feeling well enough to eat so we just hung out. In between all of that I started packing a box with DVDs, CDs, books, puzzles and various other things I am going to send to myself so that I will have some things to keep my mind off the enemas! I also worked on more auto paying bills, yardwork and other things off that to do list. It was soooooooooooo beautiful out today! For feeling so crappy physically, I do feel very, very blessed.

I AM CRAWLING OUT OF MY SKIN!

oh yea....more to say since earlier today....I got two surprises in the mail yesterday. My friend Jill dropped off an inspirational card and note in my mail slot. And my friend Garry sent me a check. Then, today, my client, Genevieve brought me a beach bag with some goodies in it when she came to receive her last massage this morning. Then, after I was done working; my massage client, Kathy, also came by to visit. She brought me a belated Valentine's Day gift and a guardian angel stone to look over me while I am there. She also gave me some cash as she was originally going to send me flowers over there, but thought I could probably use this more.

I do not think I have received like this ever in my life and believe me I AM CRAWLING OUT OF MY SKIN. My sponsor and therapist are encouraging me to just soak it all in. It makes me think of when I used to work with all the teenagers...a fellow youth worker of mine and I would always conduct this positive affirmation session with the youth by having one of them sit in the middle of the circle while all the others sit around that person and give them compliments. Well, the only thing the person in the middle is allowed to say is..."uh-huh, tell me more, thank you, oh yea give me more, yes you are so right, bring it on, keep it coming, etc.!" At first the youth would hate it, but pretty soon they really got into it. I guess I need to practice what I preach as they say....or fake it til I make it!

SO THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT....KEEP IT COMING!! BIG HUGS!

Four More Days of Real Food!

Counting today, I have four more days to eat any type of food I would like, but the bummer part is I am not really able to enjoy it because I am in too much discomfort to really eat much. I also have twelve more days til I leave....and I am sooooo ready to go!....yet I am sooooo NOT ready.... I had a rough night again last night...up and down all night with lots of pain. I am so exhausted as I also have a full work day today. I have so many things still to do to get ready to go, yet my body is saying...can we go already?

Starting to Say My Goodbyes

I have been working a ton this week and saying goodbye to a lot of dear, dear clients. Yesterday was a stronger day for me, but today has not been so good again. I am currently having a lot of pain. I have also started saying goodbye to some dear friends. Yesterday, I met up with my girlfriends Lori and Leslie to say good bye. If you live here locally in San Diego, you must go check out Lori's artwork at The French Pastry Cafe' located at 5550 La Jolla Blvd. The entire restaurant is filled with her art and ONLY her art and it is SOOOOOOOO GOOD! I am telling you this girl is T A L E N T E D!!!!!! The food there is also good. Thanks Leslie for lunch! :0)

Today, I went to lunch with my girlfriend Diana...only 4 more days of regular food! I do not usually eat out this much, but enjoying whatever I want to eat for my last few days. Tonight, I went over to my friend's David and Yvette to see their MOST ADORABLE son, Lucas, who is 6.5 months of complete and perfect cuteness...what a flirt he is! ...oh yea and I guess I went to see David and Yvette, too, to say my goodbyes....teehee. Tomorrow I start work at 8am so need to try to go get some rest. This might be one of those familiar second home (see 2/13/07 entry) nights...but I hope not.

14 Days Left!

I have not written in here for a few days. I have really not been feeling too well, but today I have felt stronger. I have been really swamped with trying to close down my massage business, setting up some referals for my clients to utilize while I am gone, compiling a list of things to go over with my roommate, making spare keys to my home for friends to help out, corresponding with the Hawaii office to deal with weaning off of my current medicine, going to local doctors for a lower dosage of the medication so I can wean off, going to eye doctor to get new contacts, setting up auto pay for all my bills, doing my taxes, getting my car smogged so I can send in registration before I leave, closing up Stampin' Up! orders, etc.

I leave in exactly two weeks from today. Infact at this time in two weeks I will be in Hawaii just getting settled in my new temporary home. I am definitely excited, but I am a bit scared, too. I think about my first night being in a house with people I do not know in a strange bed...maybe I should bring Tubby, Sneakers, or Kermi with me?

Ok...until next time....

good night,
Anne

Full of Gratitude Today

I feel so very blessed by so many people that have been carrying me through! I had my last movie night for a while on Saturday night and it was so very nice to see so many show up so I could see them and get some hugs before I go. My friends are so amazing and love me unconditionally. They always just cheer me on and are being so very supportive. I can not explain the magnitude of impact this has had on me being able to move forward.

My Massage Clients Rock!

JOHN, one of my massage clients, dropped off on my door step more Gerson Therapy information and supplements the other day. PEGGY, came on Thursday night for her very last massage before I go, and left with words of encouragement and a hug. PAT, another dear massage client, came on Wednesday for a massage with a good luck/get well gift in hand and a warm smile. She said she was so excited for me and was really supportive of me going. GARRY, came for a massage on Friday for his birthday, brought me some more Gerson Therapy Books and left me with a more than usual amount for payment. I am so overwhelmed with the love and support that my clients have been providing when in reality I could have been presented with much more dissappointment and upset feelings since I am taking away something that is important to their own well-being. My massage clients are the BEST....I will miss them!

Want Some Cheese with that Wine?

I apologize for my LONG 'whining' email yesterday. I guess some days are just like that. I am not feeling much better today, but I will spare you another long gripe (grape stomping) session. I am now going to sign off as I need to figure out how to set up all my bills to be set for auto pay and then I have another doctor appointment tonight at 530pm. Yes, I know very unusual, but she sees me on Saturdays in the late afternoon!

A Day in the Life of Anne

Well, today was not a good day at all! Somedays are better than others if I am able to get into gratitude and try to just trust the process and have faith. But, I guess today was not one of those days. I am just so dang tired and my body is screaming at me. I feel like I have been climbing this up hill battle forever and I just need to rest....but everyday I awake to more urgent things I need to do to move forward with all in the name of trying to restore my health.

I woke this morning out of a sound sleep at 4 am because I had to make an emerency bathroom run, but I was grateful that I at least got like 4 straight hours of sleep before this happened. Some nights I am up all night and others I sleep for 8-10 straight. But, usually, once I am awake it is hard to get back to sleep because I am in a lot of pain and discomfort. So, I decided to just get up and start my day at about 5am...this is a miracle as I have never been a morning person. But, I may as well get up and be productive as I have so many things to do to get ready to leave town.

My day started with a doctor apt. at 9am and then to the pharmacy and back home to work on massage client then back to the pharmacy and then the doctor because I was given the wrong type of medication. Then, I got back home and was on phone with hawaii clinic for an hour then had to speak to the local Gerson office in San Diego. More complications and miscommunications. So, I spent the next hour emailing the doctor in Hawaii.

SO, NOW HERE IT IS 830PM....and that was my whole day....I had a list of 20 things to do today and I did not do a one! Well, thanks for listening, I really need to just go get some rest and try to start over again tomorrow.

Thanks Goes Out to Keith & Susan!

Another Big Thank You goes to Keith and Susan...two of my long standing massage clients! They have both been coming to get massages once a week for several years now...and have become a big part of my monthly income. They presented me with a bonus check tonight to help pay for my medical expenses at the clinic while I am gone. I am overwhelmed with the support and love I am receiving!!

Special Thanks to Dad!

Today was a very long hard day filled with work, therapy and a long list of things to do...all the while feeling terribly physically. But, I must say I have also been filled with an abundance of gratitude for my Dad! He drove all the way down here from his place this morning, just to pick up a tape deck so that he can record some tapes onto CDs for me. He has really been a very huge backbone of strength this last month or so. I feel he has really been there to just love me and encourage me along the way; not telling me what to do, but supporting whatever choices I have been making. I am pretty sure I would not be able to even go away to this center if it were not for him allowing me to borrow a large sum of money. He also has given me a huge amount of moral support. He has gotten actively involved in learning as much as he can and this has spoken the loudest for his deep love and care for me. He was given a book on diseases by a new acquaitenance, read it and then gave me a copy to read. This book was extremely powerful and helped me significantly. Then, I asked him if he would watch these videos I had received regarding the Gerson Therapy...it was 9 hours long...and he watched it all and embraced it whole heartedly. He has done a bunch of reading on the internet as well. I feel so very blessed that I now have such a special relationship with my father...for there is not ever a day that I take this for granted!!!!

Graduated to Geek Hood!

Well, I was up all night last night so I finally just decided to get out of bed and finish this Blog. I feel I have officially graduated to geek hood. I figured this Blog thing out all on my own with exception to how to get photos on the site. So, today I hope to send out the website link to all my friends via email since I still have not responded to all of their hundreds of email replys and questions from my one way ticket email announcement last week. I am sure no one has time to read all of this, but it was fun anyhow...and will be a good journal for me to keep for myself.

Thanks MOM!

WOW! Which stands for MOM upside down! Well, I once again received a check in the mail today...this time from my Mom. This is REALLY HARD to keep accepting this generosity and help from others! Last week, my mom very generously offered via email to help pay for my plane ticket, but I declined because I know she does not have much money herself. Well, today I receive a check in the regular mail from her! Once again, I am filled with guilt, awkwardness, gratitude, and humbleness from all of this good and generosity I am receiving. It is very uncomfortable and I contemplate whether or not I should really cash it?!

In Honor of Bob Hammon

I opened my mail and the tears just started rolling down my face today. The note says this, "I'm sorry that you are having these health problems. I know Bob would want to help you with your expenses, as do I. Please take care. I wish you a complete recovery. Love, Helen." It was accompanied with a large sum of money. Helen Hammon is the wife of Bob Hammon who was my once a week, long-time (over 7 years) massage client who passed away from cancer last year. I miss Bob so very much and this gesture from Helen left me stunned without words. I called her to thank her like an hour later with this overwhelming sense that I just can not accept such a gift. I feel so overwhelmed with uncomfotableness and a warm, warm heart all at once.

A Donation for the Cause

I do not feel well again today. But, I am so tired of talking about it.

I received a small cash bonus from Bob Nickles, friend and massage client, after his session last night. He said that it was so he would not have to attend some fundrasier later. Hmmm? Not a bad idea?

Thanks Bob!

Yikes!

Well, I sent out a short email yesterday to all my friends to let them know I was leaving town....and I am overwhelmed with all of the return messages. They all have a million questions and want to know all the details and I just do not have the time or strength to respond to them all. So, I am sooooooo glad I created this Blog if I could just now figure out how to work this dang thing ASAP so I can give them the link to read all the details. I am trying to find a place to post Frequently Asked Questions and somehow place it at the top?? I need a computer geek to rescue me here...

I am SOOOOOO Sad!

I just found out that my roommate from the hospital, Tracy, passed away on 2/11/07. For those of you who got the opportunity to meet her if you came to visit me in the hospital you probably got to also experience her amazingly strong spirit! We became quite bonded as I was on a portabale toilet right by my bed shitting all night while she was in her bed barfing. Pretty much all modesty goes right out the door at this point! She was only 36 years old and her cervical dysplasia was supposedly removed 8 years earlier, but it had metasicized into a tumor in her leg. It was very large so they had to try to shrink it through radiation first before they were able to do surgery and/or chemo. Check out her blog at http://tracyfavreau.blogspot.com/. It is quite heart wrenching!

Letter of Notice to my Massage Clients

Well, I just got back from mailing off over 40 letters to let my most active clients know when my last day of work would be. I feel sooo bad that I am leaving them all hanging, but I just have NO idea how long I will be gone and what will transform while I am there.

Today is Tuesday, so I get to go to Meditation class tonight! I am looking forward to it because I was too sick to go last week.

A One Way Ticket to Paradise!

Well, it is official. I do not mess around...an hour after I get off the phone with the doctor I purchase my ticket. There is no turning back now. I just booked my one-way air flight to arrive on the Big Island of Hawaii on Thursday, March 22, 2007! I did not schedule a return flight because she said it is going to take a minimum of 3 weeks but could take a few months for me to detox, replenish and recover.

She does offer a work study program where she will allow me to help in the kitchen and do various other things to help around the house in exchange for FREE room and board! I am sooooo in...but she said that she will not allow it until I am well enough to do so. This place is pretty expensive, so I sure hope she offers that option to me early on... We will see?

...So I am leaving on a jet plane and I don't know when I'll be back again. Isn't that a song?

I will be staying at the Naturopathic Retreat Center in the city of Keaau (about 10 minutes South of Hilo). You can find out more information about Dr. Baylac's Naturopathic Retreat Center at her website at www.mindyourbody.com

The count down begins...Just 31 days and I will be arriving in what I consider PARADISE! ALOHA!

I AM GOING TO HAWAII !!!!

So, after faxing my 20 page document last Friday night, I received a phone call today (Monday) and was offered acceptance into her center! Yippee!!!!! Not only am I going to finally go somewhere that I feel will actually be able to help me, but on top of that it is in my favorite place on the earth!! (Well, it is not the island of Kauai, but close enough!) I feel so very blessed to have found this place!!

I am excited and scared. The program will be quite intense and grooling at first, but I could not ask for a better place to be! Basically, I will first be put on a water ONLY fast for a minimum of 10 days to give the bowels a chance to rest, then gradually adding specially squeezed fresh organic juices (massive amounts 17 to 20 pounds if eaten as whole foods) to flush the system ALONG WITH coffee enemas to detox (I am dreading that part for sure...however a very important component). Then, eventually adding real food back into the diet...but, of course, all organic vegetarian foods full of nutrients.

NO WONDER EVERYONE WANTS TO JUST TAKE THE EASY ROUTE OF DRUGS AND SURGERY...THIS HOLISTIC ROUTE IN NOT EASY!

Another day...

Day 5...still very sick. My stomach is huge. I had the night sweats again last night. I am still having on going bathroom runs..but at least not as often...once every hour now. I have to spend all day today working on the Gerson Institute Application and essay questions for the Naturopathic Retreat Center. I was suppose to fax it to her on Wed. then on Thrs., but I have just been too sick to even start working on it. I hope today will be a bit better.

Day 4...

Well, it is day 4 of the severe diahhrea....every 15-30 minutes. I am really scared something is really wrong! I have had digestive problems and diahhrea on and off for years. But, somehow this time it feels much worse than it has been in a long time... if ever....???

Happy Valentine's Day! - Today I Picked the Place!

Day three of continual bathroom runs literally every 15-30 minutes. I am so dehydrated!

But, the good news is...Dr. Baylac called me back last night and left a message telling me to call her back at 1pm Hawaii time today. I was in the middle of a therapy session with Sami when it was time to call her. So, I put my cell phone on speaker and that way Sami could also get a feel for her. We both really liked her a lot! Despite how awful I felt physically I must say I felt a bit excited and a bit relieved to have finally found a place to go!!! FINALLY!

She is requiring for me to send her a 20 year medical history, an 8 page application form and answers to a bunch of essay questions. GREAT...one more application to do...and I am so sick...I am really not sure how I am going to get through yet another???

My Second Home...

My second home through this ongoing illness has become the bathroom and I have become quite accostomed. But, last night I was up ALL night needing to go every 15 minutes! It started yesterday morning and it continued all through the night and has continued all day today...so I am unable to attend my weekly meditation class tonight...which I am bummed about...uh gotta go again...more later...

Narrowing My Options

Well, today has been a very busy day. I have basically narrowed all my options down to only a few places. It is between the Texas Clinic, the Gerson clinic in Mexico and The Gerson clinic in Hawaii. I went and looked at the Optimum Health Clinic in Lemon Grove. I could stay there a week at a time and it would be the least expensive, but they only serve wheat grass which my body can not handle and they do not have any medical staff on board and will call 911 if you get ill.

Falling More and More in Love with MEDITATION!

Meditation Really Does Work! I have been getting more and more into meditation and have literally felt my body healing when I go to my meditation class on Tuesday nights. There is something special about being there amongst a group of people meditating verses being home alone and meditating. I think the energy force is stronger in a group setting....OR my teacher, Lynne, is some type of magical healer. I have been in a tremendous amount of pain....STILL. It seems to get a lot worse when I sit still and become more present in meditation. There have been times when I have wanted to scream at the top of my lungs from the pain..(not quite appropriate in a meditation class). But, the last few times I have been I have felt a significant shift by the time I leave. Who knew? I was not going there to heal my physical ailments, but to more just build a stronger spiritual connection to learn how to live with and better accept my physical pain. I have felt a lot of movement in my body and some really strange yet profound physical sensations accompanied by a very deep knowing that my body is healing when I am there. But, I will not post all of these experiences here because I am sure most of you think I am crazy just by saying what I have so far. The Dharma Center is located in Ocean Beach and the meditation classes are FREE (donations accepted). If any of you are interested in attending there website is: www.dharmacenter.com

Still Learning So Much!

Since my last entry in here I have continued to pursue the Texas Clinic, but I am waiting on some information they sent me to come in the mail. I found out if I go there I will have to stay in a hotel or rent an apartment and do all my own meals. They will do detailed lab tests, assist with coffee enemas, structured diet and supplements.

However, in the meantime, I have also been looking into the Gerson Therapy. This program is a proven nutritional program for cancer and other degenerative diseases with over 60 years of success in reversing advanced stages of cancer and other illnesses. One of my clients, John Abbott, had given me a book called The Gerson Therapy months ago and I am finally getting around to reading it now. Then, come to find out, another one of my clients, Garry Schaeffer, has a set of three, three-hour videos on the program as well. So, I watched them, as well and they were very informative and really helped motivate me to continue in this direction. I really do feel this type of program will help me and that is a miracle that I found something at all for one and second that I actually believe in it's success so strongly.

I also finished reading (FINALLY!) an excellent book that my sister, Janet, let me borrow titled the “Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing” by Caroline Myss, PH.D. This added more pieces to the puzzle for me. Then, I also finished listening to a serious of audio tapes titled “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment” by Eckhart Tolle that my girlfriend, Ana, let me borrow.

I feel like all of this information has been the best of the best and all given to me by human angels that I have been blessed with in my life.

FOR SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL GUIDANCE:
“Of Monkey and Dragons: Freedom from the Tyranny of Disease” by Michele Longo O’ Donnell (Dad gave me)
“Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing” by Caroline Myss, PH.D. (Sister gave me)
“The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment” by Eckhart Tolle (Friend Ana gave me)

FOR THE PHYSICAL TREATMENT OF ALL DEGENERATIVE DISEASES (introduced to me by two different massage clients, John Abbott and Garry Schaeffer):
www.gerson.org
The Gerson Institute
1572 Third Avenue
San Diego, CA 92101
(619) 685-5353 or (888) 4-Gerson

This treatment is completely holistic through a VERY regimented nutritional detox and restoration program. The program must be done in its entirety; it will not work if you only do bits and pieces of the suggested diet or detox methods. There are three licensed Gerson Healing Centers in Mexico, Hawaii and Loma Linda, CA. It is highly suggested that all critically or severely ill patients attend the facility in Mexico only. They have a HUGE success rate of patients completely recovering from even very, very late stage diseases. Since the program has been around for over 60 years there is documented proof of patients that have recovered and were still alive 30-40 years later!!! This program is NOT EASY and must require some very serious lifestyle changes. I suggest viewing the following Gerson Institute educational video tape series to get a better understanding:
Volume I – The Gerson Therapy – Overview (The Proven Nutritional Program For Cancer and Other Illnesses)
Volume II – The Gerson Therapy at Home
They also do have several books or you can look at the website and/or call them directly.

Health Update 2/1/2007

I went to a free lecture last weekend and met a former MD, Psychiatrist and Neurologist that is now doing integrative mind/body medicine here locally. I saw her free lecture advertised in a brochure I get in the mail from a mailing list I am on. She advertised this:

"Are you frustrated by the system? Do you need a doctor who will listen to you? Who will take the time to give you the care you need? Have you suffered persistent problems that don't respond to treatment? Do you have a problem that nobody is able to diagnose? Now there is a doctor who will do all that just for you. A California licensed MD who will give you a thorough examination, review your chart, confirm or correct your diagnosis, and issue reports to your regular medical provider. I will do whatever it takes to see you in an immediate and timely manner even if that means seeing you outside of regular work hours!"

NOW OF COURSE THAT SURELY ATTRACTED ME! :-) So, I went to the free lecture which was on depression and nutritional deficiency. Definitely another big piece to the puzzle...since my body is unable to absorb nutrients!

I am also seriously considering going to a Holistic Clinic in San Antonio, Texas, but have not even contacted them yet to get more details on some questions I have regarding my personal condition as well as the cost, time and lodging situation. My Dad recently met the husband of Michele Longo O’Donnell who founded and ran the clinic for 25 years and has since written a book. So, my Dad gave me the book to read....total higher power thing. I finished reading the book, ‘Of Monkeys and Dragons’, over a week ago and have since typed up a 13 page synopsis of my interpretation of what I read. I already knew a lot of what she wrote about, but I just never knew how to go about explaining it to the doctors I saw or finding a place to receive this kind of care in a whole package. She did a good job of tying it all together. This once again confirms my intuition and extensive research of what I need to do to get well.

So, the search continues to find a holistic place to go for treatment...

What I have learned...

This is what I have learned:

First, EVERY single degenerative disease out there including cancer, auto immune, Aids, diabetes, arthritis...you name it ...is caused by two things and ONLY two things:
1.) Toxins in the body (ingested, emotional and environmental)
2.) Nutritional deficiency (the obvious is eating unhealthy foods, but one can be eating extremely healthy foods and still have nutritional deficiency if the body is unable to process and/or absorb the food properly)

Second, there is a long list of very simple tests that my doctors could have done that I do not think they even knew existed. I have also learned, to some extent, it is not really their fault; western medicine doctors are trained in very specific terms. They are taught the way of drugs and surgery because 80% of their school funding comes from the pharmaceutical companies and of course they are in the business to sell more drugs!! Where as, Naturopathic doctors treat the whole body (holistically) with natural treatments. They usually first test your saliva, urine, blood, stool and hair. From these tests they can find out things such as the various levels of toxins and metabolic waste in your system, what minerals are deficient in your cells (not only your blood which is very different and the only thing western doctors check), and how many cells are being killed off due to lack of nutritional absorption, etc.

Third, I also found out that when I was doing these special cleanses and juices to detox on my own I was getting sicker because the juices were flushing my blood system with an overload of toxins and my liver could not handle getting rid of them all. By doing coffee/chamomile enemas you open the liver bile ducts which assists the liver in releasing all the toxins.

So, I am currently exploring my options on where I can get this type of testing and treatment done.

How the Story Began...

The story starts like this. In the last 5 years, I have had a long list of strange symptoms that continues to grow. I was diagnosed with stage 4 pre-cancerous cervical dysplasia and had surgery for this in 2/02 and ever since then my body has not been right. The pain in the abdomen started only 2 months after that surgery and has not gone away since while my list of other symptoms continues to grow. I have been diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), various other undiagnosed digestive disorders, pancreatitis, a growth on my ovary and an autoimmune disease (they are unable to figure out which one). My emotional health has gotten decreasing worse through the years as well. My biggest complaint has been the on-going, constant (24/7) pain I have had in my abdomen for over five years now along with various other digestive problems in which I will spare you the details. I have tried to be open to western medicine all the while trying holistic methods on the side. I have spent hundreds of hours researching and personally experimenting with various holistic treatments, herbs, diet, etc. Both Western Medicine and Eastern holistic approaches have given me temporary relief (band-aids), but have not really addressed the underlying issues of why I continue to still be sick. Some things such as IV fluids, supplements, massage, various fasts, diets, etc. have given me temporary relief; however, DIS-ease seems to just keep reappearing in various forms.

On July 29, 2006, I was taken by ambulance to the hospital and enjoyed an 8 day vacation...yea right... TAKE IT FROM ME, DO NOT EVER EXPECT TO GET ANY REST WHEN YOU ARE A PATIENT IN THE HOSPITAL! I was diagnosed with Pancreatitis the night I arrived due to a catscan and some blood work that came back that showed my amylase and lipase digestive enzymes in my pancreas were over 10,000 and they are suppose to only be around 300. They did an incredible amount of various tests through out the week trying to determine what caused the pancreatitis. The only thing they could find was once again in my blood work that my ANA was positive...this is my anti-nuclear anti bodies....these are not suppose to be positive...this means that my cells are killing themselves...so the longer this happens the more sick I will get and eventually die. My cells are not regenerating, they are not able to absorb appropriate nutrients even if I eat the right foods!!! They 'think' the auto immune disease is what probably caused my pancreatitis??? They sent me home with some pain killers and digestive enzymes. Since that time I have been to several more doctors and have taken an array of various other tests, but my symptoms continue to persist and they have not figured out anything more. I continue to have night sweats, severe dehydration on and off, weak muscles, trouble concentrating or thinking clearly, trouble breathing on and off, passing out, severe digestive problems; to name just a few of the long list of strange and growing symptoms.

So, after becoming completely financially broke due to my hospital stay for 8 days in August, which was an absolute waste of time aside from the IV fluids I was given for severe dehydration from throwing up so many times; I have decided to spend more of my time and energy on the holistic route. I have been doing hours and hours of research for the last several years; experimenting with various diets, etc. Taking one step forward and five back. It has been a very long drawn out process and a huge learning experience, but I am confident in saying that I now feel very well educated in this area.

More later on what I have learned...