Ok, can I just talk a little bit about this thing called receiving again. This whole thing has been VERY uncomfortable for me. I have always struggled with receiving, but have definitely gotten better with that through the years. However, receiving money from others I have never done and it is very, very hard and humbling. My therapist and sponsor assure me that this is part of my healing process ...to soak in the gifts as healing, loving energy. I guess because I feel like crawling out of my own skin I am probably making a positive change and doing something good for myself.
I think my biggest struggle is a big part of me does not feel worthy or deserving. Not because I am not a good person....but that there are so many others out there that may need it more than me....it is not as if I am homeless....or in a critical care unit...or have no food in my cupboards...so it is hard to be able to accept so many offerings.
Today I received an email from a friend of mine, Tim, who told me he has sent a check in the mail to my sponsor Marilyn to contribute....and once again I am filled with these feelings of complete uncomfortableness. Don't get me wrong...I feel so very blessed to have such amazing friends in my life....it is just that they all give me so much already just by being there as my friend. I obviously need to bring this up to my therapist again today when I see her.
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